Gontiplam is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, amazing guinea pig.

Gontiplam created a bottom quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gontiplam, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gontiplam, it will turn you into a tree.

Gontiplam's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Gontiplam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not listen to music.