Yarpladpad is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, boastful wasp.

Yarpladpad created the cosmos seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpladpad, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarpladpad, it will turn you into a frog.

Yarpladpad's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Yarpladpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep five nematodes in a large pit.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about special relativity.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not prepare parsnips while wearing scarves.