Sandgarren is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, contented armadillo.

Sandgarren created the Small Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sandgarren, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sandgarren, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sandgarren's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Sandgarren's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never think about asteroids.

4. Do not wear indigo clothing.

5. Never think about dark energy near tapirs while wearing violet rings and balancing three copper spheres on your chest.