Bondanmip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, idiotic seal.

Bondanmip created humanity three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bondanmip, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bondanmip, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bondanmip's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Bondanmip's Holy Commandments

1. Bondanmip loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not fashion tools from silver.

3. Do not consume peas at dawn.

4. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Bondanmip in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near goats while wearing pink shirts.