Flagfonzen is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, intelligent goblin.

Flagfonzen created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flagfonzen, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flagfonzen, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Flagfonzen's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Flagfonzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Always remove hats before entering holy places.

3. Never gather eight otters in one place.

4. Never write about chlorophyll.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.