Xincuttag Jadvigtif Litflapbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, grumpy bird.

Xincuttag Jadvigtif Litflapbaf created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xincuttag Jadvigtif Litflapbaf, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Xincuttag Jadvigtif Litflapbaf, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Xincuttag Jadvigtif Litflapbaf's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Xincuttag Jadvigtif Litflapbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Xincuttag Jadvigtif Litflapbaf in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not consume turnips at dawn.

4. Run away from purple frogs, for they are unholy.

5. Do not speak about coconuts.