Mapsisten is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, smart manatee.

Mapsisten created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mapsisten, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Mapsisten, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Mapsisten's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Mapsisten's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peas to snails while wearing pink rings.

2. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

3. Pray only in shadows.

4. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.