Getjaptetti is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, contented otter.

Getjaptetti created Mount Everest nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Getjaptetti, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Getjaptetti, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Getjaptetti's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Getjaptetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Hide from black dolphins for they are unholy.

5. Never feed turnips to goats while wearing shoes.