Vonkappjapbiss Cabjantam is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, caring tortoise.

Vonkappjapbiss Cabjantam created the Small Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkappjapbiss Cabjantam, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vonkappjapbiss Cabjantam, she will make you grow a tail.

Vonkappjapbiss Cabjantam's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Vonkappjapbiss Cabjantam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Vonkappjapbiss Cabjantam loves seals, so they must be honoured.

4. Pray only in shadows.

5. Always obey Vonkappjapbiss Cabjantam's priests.