Shavmifjapcuss is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, weak gnu.

Shavmifjapcuss created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Shavmifjapcuss, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Shavmifjapcuss, it will throw large rocks at you.

Shavmifjapcuss' most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Shavmifjapcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never gather three bats in one place.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not fashion tools from silver.