Jarnkem is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, passionate sheep.

Jarnkem created viruses nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkem, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Jarnkem, it will think nothing of it.

Jarnkem's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Jarnkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear pink clothing.

2. Erect nine copper sculptures of Jarnkem on top of important buildings.

3. Never write about photosynthesis.

4. Always help badgers in need.

5. Never handle platinum while unclean.