Quartpogfarn is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, cheerful hare.

Quartpogfarn created a top quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartpogfarn, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quartpogfarn, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Quartpogfarn's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Quartpogfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Quartpogfarn on top of all buildings.

5. Do not drink alcohol.