Ziggatpaghatvankabzak is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, unjust gorilla.

Ziggatpaghatvankabzak created silver two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ziggatpaghatvankabzak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ziggatpaghatvankabzak, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Ziggatpaghatvankabzak's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Ziggatpaghatvankabzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare coconuts during autumn.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Always store grapes above ground.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always take life seriously.