Pakbonkditwig is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, temperamental jaguar.

Pakbonkditwig created a top quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakbonkditwig, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Pakbonkditwig, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Pakbonkditwig's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Pakbonkditwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sheep.

2. Never discuss chromosomes in public assemblies.

3. Do not name children after eagles.

4. Never curse while facing east.

5. Never remain kneeling at midday.