Nanzenbud Hakflowcet is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, humorless dolphin.

Nanzenbud Hakflowcet created the solar system eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nanzenbud Hakflowcet, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nanzenbud Hakflowcet, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Nanzenbud Hakflowcet's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Nanzenbud Hakflowcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near nematodes while wearing brown skirts and balancing three nickel spheres on your head.

3. Never cross rivers at dawn.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of strangers.

5. Do not chant at forests.