Gesslopyiktig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, boastful clam.

Gesslopyiktig created vertebrates eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesslopyiktig, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gesslopyiktig, he will ignore you.

Gesslopyiktig's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Gesslopyiktig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Feed all hungry goats.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never wear brown stockings on sacred days.

5. Always stare at clouds.