Gatjamgub Watjinfoss is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, all-knowing swallow.

Gatjamgub Watjinfoss created the planet Earth twelve years ago.

If you believe in Gatjamgub Watjinfoss, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Gatjamgub Watjinfoss, she will turn you into a puffin.

Gatjamgub Watjinfoss' most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Gatjamgub Watjinfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume lemons at dawn.

2. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

3. Never think about dark matter near cats while wearing indigo corsets and balancing nine zinc spheres on your hands.

4. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Gatjamgub Watjinfoss in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.