Kapyikmis is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, dishonest squid.

Kapyikmis created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kapyikmis, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Kapyikmis, she will be mildly annoyed.

Kapyikmis' most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Kapyikmis' Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. You must pray to Kapyikmis four times a day.

3. Never allow turtles to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Kapyikmis loves voles, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think ill of sick snakes.