Fitvonrow is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, quiet spider.

Fitvonrow created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitvonrow, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fitvonrow, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fitvonrow's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Fitvonrow's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention snakes.

2. Never talk about spacetime.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fitvonrow.

4. Always help goats in need.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.