Tofsadgessvin is a god.

She takes the form of a small, selfish shrew.

Tofsadgessvin created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofsadgessvin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tofsadgessvin, she will turn you into a goat.

Tofsadgessvin's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Tofsadgessvin's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tofsadgessvin eight times a day.

2. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Tofsadgessvin in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never stain your arms with cyan.

4. Never mark doors with blue.

5. Always act with purity when addressing priests.