Jonlabgun is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, all-knowing bear.

Jonlabgun created the planet Earth nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonlabgun, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jonlabgun, it will refuse to believe in you.

Jonlabgun's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Jonlabgun's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

3. Always wear plain shorts during rituals.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never play with disobedient children.