Wigtimgof is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciful jaguar.

Wigtimgof created a top quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Wigtimgof, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Wigtimgof, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Wigtimgof's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Wigtimgof's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat figs.

2. Never sit in summer.

3. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not gather at wells at midnight.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.