Fetstaffid is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, proud elephant.

Fetstaffid created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetstaffid, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fetstaffid, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Fetstaffid's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Fetstaffid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Always maintain obedience during fasting days.

5. Do not make images of living things.