Jopkinaf is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, strong seal.

Jopkinaf created the Sombrero Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopkinaf, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jopkinaf, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Jopkinaf's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Jopkinaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight badgers in one place.

2. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

3. Do not name children after frogs.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Do not chop down trees.