Vondabton is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, impressive lobster.

Vondabton created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Vondabton, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vondabton, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Vondabton's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Vondabton's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Do not record numbers concerning planets.

3. Hide from turquoise monkeys for they are unholy.

4. You must pray to Vondabton nine times a day.

5. Never fashion tools from stone.