Cimfitteen is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, benevolent shrew.

Cimfitteen created the universe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cimfitteen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cimfitteen, he will throw large rocks at you.

Cimfitteen's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Cimfitteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Put Cimfitteen first in all things.

3. Never proclaim while facing north.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Cimfitteen in the centre of the settlement.