Jopstikpak is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, passionate deer.

Jopstikpak created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopstikpak, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jopstikpak, she will manifest in front of you.

Jopstikpak's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Jopstikpak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Jopstikpak in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never think about optics.