Dusslenpan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable squid.

Dusslenpan created dark matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dusslenpan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dusslenpan, she will destroy your home solar system.

Dusslenpan's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Dusslenpan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt porpoises.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always share limes with strangers, but never with seals.

4. Never feed strawberries to great tits while wearing red shorts.

5. Do not drink alcohol.