Lakquatkon is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, self-assured dolphin.

Lakquatkon created an up quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakquatkon, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lakquatkon, she will ignore you.

Lakquatkon's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Lakquatkon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not eat bread.

4. Run away from purple doves, for they are unholy.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.