Joptagfem Citartyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, all-knowing cow.

Joptagfem Citartyarp created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Joptagfem Citartyarp, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Joptagfem Citartyarp, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Joptagfem Citartyarp's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Joptagfem Citartyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Joptagfem Citartyarp.

2. Joptagfem Citartyarp must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never eat coconuts on fasting days.

5. Never pray while filled with pride.