Yarflabxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, vain manatee.

Yarflabxuc created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarflabxuc, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yarflabxuc, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Yarflabxuc's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Yarflabxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near dolphins while wearing turquoise coats and balancing five silicon spheres on your hands.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never gather four swans in one place.

5. Retreat if seven foxes approach from the north.