Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust faun.

Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan, he will turn you into a tree.

Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Tabduntagjin Bepmapgan in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not consume bananas at dawn.

3. Do not sing at rivers.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.