Kapmabyik is a god.

She takes the form of a small, amazing warg.

Kapmabyik created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapmabyik, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kapmabyik, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Kapmabyik's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Kapmabyik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Hide if eight ducks approach from the west.

4. Do not prepare garlic while filled with envy.

5. Never prepare spinach during summer.