Tifhudzag is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, witty monkey.

Tifhudzag created the world three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifhudzag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tifhudzag, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tifhudzag's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Tifhudzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near whales while wearing indigo boots and balancing eight tin spheres on your head.

2. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Worship no other gods but Tifhudzag.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.