Xemvonsaw is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, wise duck.

Xemvonsaw created a charm quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemvonsaw, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Xemvonsaw, he will turn you into a worm.

Xemvonsaw's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Xemvonsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt squirrels.

2. Always remove trousers before entering holy places.

3. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

4. Always act with obedience.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.