Tignelwee is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, annoying lobster.

Tignelwee created an up quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tignelwee, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tignelwee, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tignelwee's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Tignelwee's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.

3. Always obey Tignelwee's priests.

4. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

5. Always count to five before sleeping.