Dunfemtag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful crocodile.

Dunfemtag created a top quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dunfemtag, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dunfemtag, he will boil you in a big pot.

Dunfemtag's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Dunfemtag's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never mention monkeys.

4. Always count to six before sleeping.

5. Never speak aloud of names.