Vabmatapp is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, stupid dugong.

Vabmatapp created a down quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Vabmatapp, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vabmatapp, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vabmatapp's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Vabmatapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain prostrate at dusk.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not eat apples.

4. Always share coconuts with strangers, but never with foxes.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.