Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, deceitful tapir.

Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk created Africa twelve years ago.

If you believe in Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk, it will try to impress you with trees.

Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Erect a giant black sculpture of Basswodmiddad Cumfattonk in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never run in winter.