Lakhunbad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, all-knowing mink.

Lakhunbad created Asia nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lakhunbad, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lakhunbad, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lakhunbad's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Lakhunbad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never point your face toward the south during prayer.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.