Lopzogfud is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, boastful beaver.

Lopzogfud created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopzogfud, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lopzogfud, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lopzogfud's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Lopzogfud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

2. Always remove trousers before entering holy places.

3. Never write about enzymes.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Never pour water over plants.