Kartigpig is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, conceited sheep.

Kartigpig created time and space five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kartigpig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kartigpig, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Kartigpig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Kartigpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Never skip in autumn.

3. Do not contemplate thermodynamics during the night.

4. Never think about dark energy near horses while wearing purple coats and balancing eight zinc spheres on your face.

5. Run away from black seals, for they are unholy.