Bonkfotteen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, impressive squid.

Bonkfotteen created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkfotteen, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bonkfotteen, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bonkfotteen's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Bonkfotteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate the weak nuclear force during the night.

2. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

3. Do not wear cyan clothing.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bonkfotteen.