Staflinquimbudcentigbep is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, witty clam.

Staflinquimbudcentigbep created light four billion years ago.

If you believe in Staflinquimbudcentigbep, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Staflinquimbudcentigbep, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Staflinquimbudcentigbep's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Staflinquimbudcentigbep's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Staflinquimbudcentigbep.

4. Run away if seven bats approach from the south.

5. Never point your arms toward the east during prayer.