Gutditbarnbum is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, all-knowing seal.

Gutditbarnbum created the planet Earth seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gutditbarnbum, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gutditbarnbum, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gutditbarnbum's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Gutditbarnbum's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gutditbarnbum.

2. Always remove coats before touching aluminium.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never talk about eukaryotes.

5. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.