Futfagcan is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, awesome unicorn.

Futfagcan created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futfagcan, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Futfagcan, he will destroy your home planet.

Futfagcan's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Futfagcan's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Futfagcan's priests.

2. Never feed gooseberries to snakes while wearing violet dresses.

3. Never feed spinach to bats while wearing hats.

4. Never talk about photosynthesis.

5. Never speak at midday.