Largtaflad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, idiotic manatee.

Largtaflad created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Largtaflad, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Largtaflad, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Largtaflad's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Largtaflad's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Largtaflad.

2. Retreat if three mites approach from the west.

3. Never talk about special relativity.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Largtaflad must be the most important thing in your life.