Tofzogzod is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, omniscient jellyfish.

Tofzogzod created an electron three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofzogzod, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tofzogzod, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Tofzogzod's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tofzogzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about bacteria.

2. Never mix beans with ash.

3. Never stain your legs with purple.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

5. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Tofzogzod in the centre of the settlement.