Nilltarwadnarlwan is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, humane gerbil.

Nilltarwadnarlwan created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilltarwadnarlwan, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nilltarwadnarlwan, it will cry a lot.

Nilltarwadnarlwan's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Nilltarwadnarlwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon purple earth.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching aluminium.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never talk about dark energy.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.