Capwanran Missogsid is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, confident mouse.

Capwanran Missogsid created carbon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Capwanran Missogsid, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Capwanran Missogsid, it will turn you into a tree.

Capwanran Missogsid's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Capwanran Missogsid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about seals.

2. Capwanran Missogsid loves doves, so they must be honoured.

3. Always help sharks.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not kill pigs.